To quote the great J.R.R. Tolkien, “Well, I’m back.” I just stuck my head out of my bedroom window to yell hello to Zidre, my upstairs neighbor, who was unloading her kids from the car after a day at the beach. In a mixture of English and Lithuanian, we talked about my cat, Sasha, and when she could come over to listen to music to use in her dance teaching. Yesterday my friend Nicole and I made Lithuanian saltibarscai (cold beet soup) together and took a walk to the Baltic.
I love Klaipeda, Lithuania. Really, really love Klaipeda.
In the past three weeks, I have been to six countries. In the past three months, I’ve been to eight. Six capitals. From the furthest western point in Europe – Cabo Finisterre in Spain - to a country on its eastern border – Ukraine.
Is it redundant to say I’m tired of traveling? It’s strange to me how nearly ambivalent I’m feeling about all the places I’ve been. (Which isn’t to say I don’t have stories, coming below). I have loved to travel my entire life, from the moment I took my first family road trip as a five-year-old. So it's strange to me now that I didn’t find this past trip to be the fulfilling adventure that I usually enjoy so much. It just felt like a lot of time sitting in cafés, drinking identical coffees, visiting grand empty cathedrals, learning how to pronounce thank you in gallego and French and Swedish and Estonian and Latvian, with some Russian thrown in when necessary. It’s tempting to think, is this it?
Am I over my wanderlust phase? (Doubtful, though I might be totally over my enthusiasm for Western European cities). I guess I’m just coming to see that what used to feel adventurous and exciting is pretty normal for me now. And it’s making me hungry for a different kind of adventure. I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but I want new types of challenges, new risks.
The risk of letting God have everything.
The risk of learning how to love and serve people.
The challenge of allowing God to show me new things when I want to rehash past lessons.
The risk of really knowing people and caring about them, and letting them know me.
I’m not ungrateful for the experiences I’ve been blessed to have, and what meant most to me these past weeks were the genuine conversations, honest conversations, that I was able to have with Kristen and with Annie. And I DID have fun, and took tons of great pictures. Maybe I’m just experiencing post-trip let-down, but I think I am just world-weary. It doesn’t seem to hold anything new or undiscovered, and I don’t know what to do with that feeling.
4 comments:
jen- i have felt exactly as you now feel before, several times. The problem is, that after enough time in one place, the wanderlust begins to creep back into your life... especially right about february in lithuania when pretty much anywhere on earth that you can imagine is somewhere you would rather be. but youre right- i am learning too that experiences can never fulfill us. It reminds me of a converation i had with a german travel writer on a freezing boat in the Croatian adriatic. He said that people are far less easy to interest and to please in the travel industry. people are getting travel fatigue because they have seen so much and arent appreciative of it. He took some elderly german women on an adventure trip in patagonia, and they were bored and asked "is this it?" and swapped stories about their previous trips to the south and north poles, the deserts of algeria, the deep amazon, etc... The man was saying that people who travel too much are conceited, bossy, impassive, and not very fun to be around, because they are always comparing and never able to enjoy what they are seeing. I hope that isn't true for everyone, but i do kind of see his point- he should know- he had been to 130 countries himself!
I hope I'm not going to become bossy, concieted and not much fun to be around! But seriously, I did almost rewrite this post after I read it over again because it makes me sound ungrateful and bored. I'm not bored by what I'm seeing, I just think that I am ready to redefine what is "adventurous" and exciting to me - rather than by more standard definitions.
I want to really SEE things, and know them deeply, rather than in the superficial ways that rapid travel induces in me.
(I predict I'll be itching for a trip again sometime in early October!)
Hello there-
Glad to see you have not dropped off the edge of Western Europe!
Your comment made me think of a time several years into my Flight Attendant days, after I had taken so many trips for work and pleasure... I had this feeling that all places in the world are, in some ways, the same; history and religion and people are all built by the same forces and the same motivations. Is this ridiculously deep or do you know what I mean? So, it is maybe part boredom, as you say, and part familiarity that makes you feel this way.
We missed you at the finally semi-finished new house last weekend, where Kari and I threw a doozy of an engagement party for Joel and Olivia. At one point Michael Schluter had syrup in his navel... ask Joel.
I love you!
Krissy
Actually, Jen took her first "road trip" when she was 7 months old. She quickly learned to sleep in blocked off closets, bureau drawers (on the floor) and between suitcases piled around her to keep her from rolling under our bed in her sleep.
Miss those times.... MOM
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