Just a few more minutes...

Oh my goodness, I am such an evil procrastinator. I've promised myself just a few more minutes of goofing off before I MUST get down to business and put together my slides for the presentation I'm supposed to give in Estonia this weekend. Yup, I'm going to Estonia for my first academic conference and I'm nervous out of my head. Seriously - I have a bad case of avoidance going on at the moment, hence the blogging. :)

Meanwhile, I'm thinking through lots of weird thoughts of, how the heck did I get here, when did I suddenly become Ms. Career Academic, did I really just turn 28? Is this what I want for my life? Moreover, is this what God wants? You know, lots of lightweight thoughts like that!

Sometimes I want to turn off my own brain - okay, more than sometimes. But really, we have to stop and turn the harsh light of questioning on our everyday routines. Even when it seems like things are going to fly apart at any second, the whole logic of one's life come unraveling like a poorly knit sweater, it's important to remember that I'm not the one responsible for making sense out it. My life is fragments of a whole - a whole which isn't even about me, but about a Kingdom bigger than myself or my small hopes.

As usual, Caedmon's Call has the perfect song for my state of mind, from the ever-more-appropriate Long Line of Leavers album, which I'll simply end this rambly blog with and try to muster the wherewithal to get down to work!

"Can't Lose You"

So you're gone but I know you're not so far away
You're a call on the phone or a ride on a plane
But that just isn't the same, yeah well

That's ok because I was never home anyway
So now everyone's evolving and I am just the same
As I was ten years ago, but I don't know
Maybe a simple life is more the way to go
Yeah, but then again, I'm mostly all alone

'Cause I'm losing everyone
But I know I can't lose you
And maybe my time will come
But I know I can't lose you

Cause the older I get
Well the more that life is making sense
And it's similar to traffic or being president
'Cause I'm not the one in control
You grab a hold
I'm just a hammer helping to nail the future down
But it's getting hard making my friends leave town

'Cause I'm losing everyone
But I know I can't lose you
And maybe my time will come
But I know I can't lose you

But maybe I missed the nose right on my face
For what's just past it
And maybe I have the gift that everyone speaks so highly of
Funny how nobody wants it