Well, I'm up at 4 again. Sheesh. Fortunately, I had new stuff to read, thanks to Annie. She got an earful from me this evening, which must have prompted her to think about her sad, sad friend over in Lithuania. Okay, so I'm not sad, sad... totally, but I am perplexed, and confused (and incidentally, really hungry for 4 a.m.). Within 24 hours of my leaving the States, my sister got a new puppy, my sister-in-law got a new job, my best friend got engaged, and my grandpa got a diagnosis that his cancer has started spreading.
(I tried to space those in order of significance.)
Having just been home for three weeks, I feel all reconnected into each of their lives, so it feels ever more like a slam to be just missing out on sharing the joy and the excitement, the pain and the anxiety, the preparations and the LIFE that are inherent in each of these events. Instead, here I am in Klaipeda, having been home for two days and having seen and talked to ONE PERSON since I've been back. (A sprinkling of text messages do not constitute seeing and talking). This is a harsher blow than usual since I've just spent the past week literally scheduling morning-lunch-afternoon-and-dinner meet-ups with friends around Colorado. It was a full friendship week.
I don't really have a point to this post. Talking with Annie, I told her that I realized that blogging actually makes me lonelier, rather than helping me feel connected. I think it's because I can write this from the corner of my blue couch, here in Lithuania, at 4 a.m. You, dear reader, can read it and can know what it going on in my psyche (bitter, twisted and tired as it it), and feel like you are part of my life. I, however, if I don't hear from you, don't have a similar insight into your pains and joys, your struggles and moments of triumphs, but rather feel like I'm on the end of a one-sided relationship.
Being home and sitting face-to-face with friends was healthy for me, helped me not to feel like I am the only one doing the relating. I does make me consider, though, if it might be better for me not to post here. Better for me to try real relationships. But this does help (particularly when jet-lagged).... so I'm at a loss.
I think I should crawl back in bed now...
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7 years ago
2 comments:
Jen- I read this article in the Greeley Tribune after reading your lastest blogs. How I wish you were the same little girl that would come to me for a hug and a kiss and 'make it all better'. But those days are gone. Instead we both deal with trying to achieve balance in our lives - and somehow this article seemed to put it all in a different perspective for me. I have included the link, but will also email you to make sure you get this article. I think you will enjoy this writer also.
Love you more than you know - MOM
Here is the link.
http://greeleytribune.co.newsmemory.com/
Then go to page E1 and read the article on a Unicycle (at the bottom). It continues on E2
MOM
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