Shifting Gears

As teachers around the world know, the first week of school is always insane. And no matter what you do beforehand to prepare, no matter how many lessons you have planned and ready to go... that first week is always going to feel like getting run through a high-speed maze! For some reason, though, this past week was even crazier than a usual first week, and after it was all over I woke up on Sunday morning with a scratchy throat and achy head. I guess I can't just expect my body to shift into high gear so quickly!

That whining aside, things are off to a good start. There have been a lot of emotional highs and lows for me this week. I find that I still enjoy teaching the writing class, and I love that most of my students are first-years. They have a lot of energy and still look around at LCC with eyes full of wonder (and confusion, yes, because most of them are still getting used to processing all their lectures in English!). I also have a first-year seminar group this year, as I did last year, although the feel of the group is different. I have 7 guys and 4 girls, and a much lower percentage of international students than before. I am extremely thankful for the student helper who helps me teach that class, she is a student I got to know really well on the Ukraine mission trip this past summer, and we have fun together.

Another major blessing for me is the literature class I'm teaching. I was asked to teach an independent study class for 2 fourth-year students who needed another literature credit and had no other options. We decided to morph that class into a full one, and now I have a whopping 4 students! We're studying C.S. Lewis and Tolkien and other Christian fantasy writers. It is wonderful because they're authors and ideas that I could talk about in my sleep (in fact, I think I have!), and the girls are all really engaged and interested in approaching literature from a perspective of faith. I could not ask for more in a teaching experience!

After surviving the teaching week, our department had a day-long retreat (i.e. meetings) to discuss such exciting things as behavioural course objectives and standardized rubric use in writing classes, and etc.... I was asked to talk a little bit about writing assessment and how to improve LCC's writing instruction. Obviously, this has a lot to do with my graduate work, and I'm excited to have a role to play in developing new things here. I have to admit still feeling slightly out-of-my-league in sharing at dept. meetings and whatnot, but I am learning how to trust what I've learned and to be more confident in sharing my ideas.

I keep joking that if all I had to do was teach, I would be just fine, but since this is LCC, oftentimes we teachers feel like we're the student life department too. And actually, I wouldn't have it any other way - the freedom of interacting with students on a personal level is WHY I'm here, right? This week with student relationships was blessed - with a first dorm worship night on Friday that I was able to participate in, a reunion party with my Ukraine mission team on Saturday evening, and then a fantastic lunch conversation after church with some students and study abroads from North America at a nearby resturant. I am getting the sense that my social life this year may be even more student connected than last year was, which is great. This coming Saturday I'm hosting a women's brunch (okay, just pancakes) at my apartment. From the number of girls who've said they'll come, my place could be bursting at the seams! I pray that it will be. The purpose of the brunch is to present the opportunity for women's fellowship groups and Bible studies this year, and there seems to be a lot of interest. I am especially encouraged to see many of the students who went on mission trips this summer continuing to be involved in spiritual life activities and coming to chapel.

Tomorrow I am supposed to speak in chapel, on the topic of "Who is Jesus?" I know, only an amatuer non-theologian would be crazy enough to tackle the topic in a 20 minute talk! I'm not sure yet what I'm going to say, but I want to speak honestly and compelling-ly. I need to remember that the simple, unadorned gospel is more beautiful than anything we might want to embellish it with. I would appreciate your prayers as I prepare and speak.

So, in terms of my outward "service" life, things this week have been really good. It's funny, though, how when you stop and begin to look deeper into your heart, there can be such a disconnect between what your outward life looks like and how your inner life feels. I know that I am exactly where God wants me to be. I believe that there is no safer place than in the center of His will, but in recent days I have been battling a real sense of emptiness and lack of hope. I feel like it would be easy to keep right on serving and investing in relationships and doing everything I know I should do, but meanwhile my heart feels far away from God. I don't know if I can explain it other than to say that I feel lonely, even with so many people around. I think all of us feel "unknown" at times, and I'm feeling that. This Sunday at church was a children's dedication Sunday, and all the families gathered up on the stage for their new babies to be blessed. Sitting in the midst of a row of students, I just felt like I didn't have a family, that it was just me, and this is all I can ever hope or expect for my life.

As usual, God is taking me through exercises in trusting Him to provide for all of my needs - especially my heart needs. I seem to want to keep telling Him that He isn't enough, but that only means that I haven't drawn close to Him, I haven't discovered the BOUNDLESSNESS of His love and let it fill me.