An Audience of One

It is early Sunday evening in Klaipeda, and I hate to admit that I am sequestered in my office on what has been an (according to those who know) unseasonably warm and golden autumn weekend. Fortunately, I was able to spend yesterday exploring the nearby town of Kretinga. I had, ostensibly, gone to grade some of the mountainous stacks of papers that are an ever-present feature of my daily life. Somehow, I didn't get nearly enough done, but had a great day anyway!

This past week at LCC has been "Spiritual Emphasis Week," which has meant lots of activities and opportunites to learn about worship practices and traditions. Thursday evening I went to a Taize-style service at one of the big Catholic churches in town. Friday night was an almost-opposite style, LCC student-led worship night. I am thankful that God has given us so many ways to honor and praise Him - and I am more and more aware of what a gift music is. How wonderful is it that God has given us an instrument to praise Him with!

One special thing about Friday night was a song that a student sung. I don't know all the words but one phrase really struck me. She sung, "I want to live my life for an audience of One." So, so often I think about how I appear to those around me - what do they think? What do my students think of me? My colleagues? Do my supervisors notice my hard work? Do people think I'm pretty? Am I making people laugh? Does anyone see things the way I see them? Who can I share this moment with?

What the song impressed upon me was that in my daily living, I should be living with no further thought than, "what does my Father, my Abba, think of me? What does He see?" It was also a reminder that whenever I am alone, and am happy or full of joy, or am crying out or singing or dancing or simply breathing in the world around me, I am not alone - I have an audience. God sees the things I see. He sees me in those happiest solitary moments that I often wish I could share with someone - He is my audience and He is enthralled. Furthermore, I was impressed with the thought that to live any other way - to live as if everyone else is watching, and as if how I appear to them is important - is to be guilty of idolatry. It is to put others' opinions and approval above the acceptance I have in Christ. To live in hopes that others will notice is to offer a degree of power and importance over me that no one but God deserves.

And so, when I walked around beautiful Kretinga alone yesterday, I was able to remember that above me, and beneath me, beside me and within me, my Father, the Holy Spirit, and Christ my Brother are present. I live and breathe and walk under the sky knowing that my God is Emmanuel, with me.