Nothing lost, but found, if sought

I wish you could be sitting here with me. I've got some suitably wistful folk music piping into my ears, and the puffy clouds in the distance just begin to hint of afternoon rain. The Big Thompson is bubbling by in the sparkling sun as I write this, and all over Estes Park, everything is so bright and shining that there are tears in my eyes.

It has been a difficult few days. At night when I turn off the lights, and the TV, and there is no sound left in my apartment but the furious whirring of the box fans, a sort of empty dread passes over me. I'm totally alone - a fact that I like to block out with a continual bombardment of TV, books, radio, I-tunes, magazines, knitting projects, coffee dates and long days at work. But when all that finally quiets down, when I'm not at the gym or a friends house or church or swing dancing, I am reminded that I am about to head off someplace where I will quite possibly be very lonely.

Now, God has always, always been faithful in the past to bless me with the friendships that I need to sustain me in these overseas adventures. It has never failed that He has given me friends and confidants - far and away beyond what I deserve. Nevertheless, this week I have been feeling that dread of alone-ness that can creep up on a person going to sleep in an empty house.

This is where faith comes in. And as I was driving up the Big Thompson canyon road today - sun bright and hot, U2 and the Beach Boys on my mix tape - I felt that deep sense of home that is found only in God. I have to trust that He is my sufficiency and my home, my husband and my family and my friend. This is not easy. Not even a little.